Barcamp is returning to the real capital city – the People’s Republic of Cork – on the 1st of November. The event is being held at Webworks, a truly fabulous building, and there’s a lot of great discussion going on regarding panels and sessions and loads of people planning to come down already. Doors will open at 9:15 and events kick off at 10, and I’ll probably be shooting my mouth off about something or other.

Pat Phelan and Alexia Golez are organising a pre-event dinner on Friday, October 31st at the fabulous Bangkok93 (aka A Taste of Thailand) on Bridge Street. Seats are limited to 25 and you should budget about €25 per head for this event. RSVP over here while the RSVPing is good!

A student attending Barcamp had a nice – and given the economy, timely – idea for a topic and I am accordingly attempting to organise a panel on career paths to new media. I first had to look up what the hell new media is, so I’m perfectly prepared to simply moderate, but I have a nice structure in mind. I’m looking for four or five people across the widest possible range of experience, so if you’re working in new media and got there via a traditional or non-traditional path, please contact me – I’d love to talk to you.

Finally, also on Friday night, the gang from the Irish Webmasters Forum is planning a meetup, which should probably be more aptly titled a drinkup. This may or may not merge into the Noodle Nerds dinner and post-meal drinking but I’m sure it will all shake out accordingly.

I’ll update this post with more Barcamp-related events as they roll out, but feel free to steal the graphics and spread the word. (And if you need graphics for an event or talk, just drop me an email.)

Sunday night was the screamingly fun Girl Geek Dinner in Cork, and although our numbers dropped from twenty to a mere half dozen, we had a great time. It was more intimate than the (also fun) extravaganzas these meetups often are, and a wonderful chance not just to meet but to really talk and get to know one another.

Martha Rotter, Katherine Nolan, Ciara Crossan, GabrielaAvram, Alana James and I had a lovely meal at Proby’s around the corner from our new house; I brought my paint chips along because lately I have taken to accosting total strangers on the street and asking if they’d like to help me pick paint. We talked about everything from transatlantic moves to TiVo, and at one point during the telly phase of the discussion I confessed a shameful, shameful secret – I am in love with the recent ads from DFS:

I love this ad not because I am in the market for a new sofa (just bought mine, thanks!) but because I love the totally ordinary people rocking out in their livingrooms. Let’s face it: we have all totally done that. And hell, who doesn’t want a bathroom big enough to play baseball in? (Or a hot tub big enough for ten, for that matter…)

Of course, in the UK and Ireland, nobody who isn’t a rock star has a living room that is as spacious as any of the ones shown, let alone one that will fit most of these enormous sofas, but that’s neither here nor there.

In any case, I love the Nickleback tune used on the ad (full video) in the same way I secretly love Hello magazine and other trashy treats. It was a great choice for DFS, because home decorating is a transparently aspirational undertaking, and the Rockstar lyrics tell a transparently aspirational story.

I am, however, more than a bit mortified to discover that I am apparently DFS’s perfect demographic target. Except for the bit where I’d slit my wrists with a rusty nail before buying any of those hideous sofas, of course.

One thing I’ve noticed is that Irish companies in particular seem strangely hesitant to put themselves forward for things, be it press, social business introductions, or award nominations. This is, in a word, stupid. Unless you are paying a very, very good PR company, the person whose job it is to promote your business is you. While sure, some of your customers or clients may think of you and throw your name in the hat for this or that, there isn’t a lot of sense in sitting on the sidelines and hoping someone will ask you to the ball.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with going after something, and hey – if you don’t make it, nobody will know so that’s okay. These quickly approaching deadlines are on my list, and I hereby challenge you to put them on your list, too.

This is the inaugural year for the Irish Web Awards, being held in Dublin on October 11th. Rumour has it that nominations may open to the public in the next day or so, but you can (and bloody well should) nominate your site in the applicable categories. Whether any of my clients make the short list this year or no, I’m going – at €30 a ticket, it’s a bargain for a great night out and Christ knows I need to leave the house.

The Irish Internet Association’s Net Visionary Awards are also taking nominations until Friday, 12 September. I do love a black tie do, but at €250 a ticket I’ll only be dusting off my ballgown in the extremely unlikely event I make the shortlist. Still, this is great PR for any company, so if you fall into any of the categories or love a site that does, those nomination forms are not going to fill themselves out!

One place I definitely will be going to is PodCamp in Kilkenny on the 27th of September. My other half has been drafted as a speaker and is doing From Broadcast to Podcast. I also have a couple of clients ripe for podcasting who I will be dragging along by way of encouraging them to get their feet wet in the podcast pond.

Finally, I have one more, top secret, soon to be revealed event planned for September, but I’m scheduling it around the previously mentioned Girl Geek Dinner in Cork on Sunday September 7th, 2008? There’s still time to sign up if you’re of the XX persuasion — the table is about 1/3rd booked and this event could use a little love if you’re inclined to help get the word out. Thanks! :)

Hurrah! Martha Rotter’s moveable feast know as Ireland Girl Geek Dinners is coming to Cork on the 7th of September, 2008. We’ve booked a table for 20 and we’ll be meeting up at Proby’s Bistro, which has a dire website. Despite this, Proby’s has been the scene for many geeky get together dinners of one sort or another, and the quality of the website does not reflect the quality of the menu.

What is a Girl Geek Dinner and how do you know if you’re invited?

Girl Geek Dinners are a chance for ladies in technology to get together, enjoy some nice food and drinks, and have fun meeting other women in their field.

“Ladies in technology” is a rather wide remit, so as far as I’m concerned if you’re doing anything from coding software in C++ to blogging on a default WordPress template, that includes you.

The table is booked in the private dining room upstairs for 7:30 PM, and there will be a set menu with vegetarian options for €24. Proby’s Bistro is located on French’s Quay, and there’s a map if you need one. So RSVP by leaving a comment at Girl Geek Dinners and we’ll see you there!

Luckily I am short on sleep, low on health and about a month behind everything I need to do, so I don’t have a lot of spare time to spend bitching. So I’ll just get straight to the point of what’s got my panties in a wad this evening.

I got an email tonight from  Angeline Vuong at CrowdSpring. It was also to Angeline Vuong at CrowdSpring; it was a mass email that read thusly:

Hi there,

I’m Angeline, crowdSPRING’s new Community Manager. I saw you used Twitter and wanted to just say hello. If we’re not friends yet, feel free to follow us at http://www.twitter.com/crowdspring. We love to keep in touch with our creatives and buyers..I post lots of interesting / informative blog links, promote designers, and give hints at really cool upcoming projects of interest. Hope to see you on the site. Feel free to say hi!

Best,
Angeline

My response to this was “feel free to kiss my ass” but my email was slightly more polite than that. Some pertinent facts:

• I am in CrowdSpring’s database, in so far as I have a working login there. I have never used the service, never posted a project, never bid on a project, never posted in the forums, never filled out any profile information there. I am not “in touch” with CrowdSpring in any sense of the word, nor am I any kind of community member.
•  To the best of my knowledge, I have not at any point provided CrowdSpring with my Twitter details. Their privacy policy doesn’t say they collect that data, either.
• Their privacy policy does say that they may tell me about “targeted marketing, service updates, and promotional offers based on your specific preferences” – and my specific preferences are set to No way, Jose. Seriously, that’s what the check box option says. (The internet, it is killing me with these hipster kids…)

OK, so according to Sabrina Dent’s Dictionary of Bitch, the above email qualifies as a tasty processed ham product nestled in white bread and lovingly coated with mayonnaise. In other words, it’s spam. But what really irritates me is that it’s not just spam; it’s really crappy spam.

• When you mass email people you do not know, it’s really preferable to attempt to disguise this fact by, oh let’s say… actually sending the email to my actual address, using my actual name.
• Angeline does not “just want to say hello,” as she claims in the second sentence; she wants me to follow her on Twitter. Presumably so I can follow her “interesting / informative” content, like uh, trolling for new members.
• To underscore how completely impersonal and outcome driven this email is, the “if we’re not friends yet, feel free to follow…” line clears that up immediately.

So basically, someone who doesn’t know me from Eve has abused my personal data to spam me with a solicitation to join her (it? them?) on a social network. Despite the social and conversational nature of the network, the communication invitation is completely top-down, and the message being sent here basically boils down to “Follow me, I’m COOL!” I had to double-check this wasn’t a MySpace invite for a minute there.

Seriously, people. It’s called conversational marketing for a reason. It’s called social media for a reason.

I know I’m a cranky, picky bitch. But here’s the thing: while I like networking as much as the next freelancer, I do not like social networks. Bebo is for children, MySpace is the AOL of its era, and LinkedIn is all very nice as far as it goes, but it’s virtually impossible to find anyone I’m not already connected to – by the thousands of email addresses I already gave them.

Facebook in particular, however, is really starting to drive me up the wall. I know it is incredibly 2007 to pull the Oh My God, I Hate Facebook and Am Leaving! drama queen stunt, though, so I’m not going to do that. I’m just going to complain about it instead.

First of all, while it’s nice to get in touch with old friends and colleagues, I want to be able to find you, see what you’re doing, and keep up with the handful of critical changes likely to happen with you in the course of a year: new job, new city, new spouse, new kids. If you want to know what’s up with me, I have a blog. What I do not have is the capacity to conduct the exact same “Hey! Long time no see! What are you up to?” conversation 30 times in a month.

Second of all, I do not want to suck your blood, take your quiz, or play scrabble with you. It’s nothing personal, but I can probably play Scrabble by post in less time than it will take me to kick your ass on Facebook. On a professional level, I am disgusted that Hasboro has put the kybosh on Scrabulous because it’s an increadibly stupid move on their part. On a personal level, however, I will die a happy woman if nobody ever challenges me to play Scrabulous ever again.

And last but not least, I hate to be the one to break this to all of the many Facebook whores out there but: your mama is ugly. Facebook was no beauty queen of a website to start out with, but there was always the hope it would get better. The recent redesign has proven that for the foreseeable future, at least, that’s not the case – it’s still cramped, still frustrating to navigate, and still a glowing example of grody-arsed ad placements.

But of course I’m staying. Mostly so I can log in once every three months to discover all my new friends I’ve never heard of. And then have them ask me what I’m up to.

After slacking off for a shameful uh, two years, I attended my very first Cork Open Coffee on Friday when Bernie Goldbach lied to me to get me to go. I had sort of imagined five spoddy boys and the divine smelling Conor O’Neill huddled round weak cups of tea, but it was actually a jam-packed, vigorous and entirely delightful event where I got to catch up with a ton of people and meet a ton more.

I will be a dedicated city centre attendee from now on, so between Open Coffees and the parade of other fun events scheduled over the next few months, it’s shaping up to be a fun summer here in the People’s Republic. Here’s what’s on my calendar:

• 17 June: A farewell dinner for Tom Raftery at Proby’s Bistro before he leaves for the warmer, spicier climates of Spain.
• 27 or 28 June: Lunch with Deb Hadley (formerly of the Humble Housewife and now of Tast.ie) in Cork at Cafe Paradisio.
• 16 July: The very first Open Coffee BBQ in Ireland will take place in Terryglass Village in Tipperary. There will be casual presentations, and I’m hoping to do a gig with Frank Prendergast provisionally titled How the Hell Do I Hire a Web Designer. Eimear the Wonderdog will also be in attendance.

So if you’ve any interest in food, technology or just some fun events with some really great people, sign your name on the appropriate dotted line and we’ll see you there!

I need, very badly, an accounts assistant.

In short, I need someone to come to my house, plop down on one of our many, many laptops, and enter invoices, payments, receipts and expenses into the spreadsheet supplied by my accountants, then file them carefully in some sort of tabbed monthly notebook thing. If this person could also go through our pile of bills and make me write cheques and then actually drop them in the post as well, I will love them forever. I need someone to do this with more financial accumen and love for spreadsheets than I myself posses.

I’m looking for someone for about 2 hours a week, and I’m probably looking for a SAHM or UCC student who just wants to put Accounting 101 to work for some extra cash. I love telecommuting but for this, I need an actual human – preferably a capable, competent one.

We are currently located in Cork’s city centre off of Shandon Street, and will (hopefully) be re-locating to very near UCC this summer. The upside is that I am the very definition of flexible; I don’t care what day or what time you come and it doesn’t need to be the same day or time each week. Also, the coffee here is very serious and the kettle is always on. The downside is that I smoke and I’m not planning to quit any time terribly soon.

If you know anyone or you yourself are interested in this gig, please send me either an informal CV or just an email to sabrina [at] sabrinadent [dot] com. Thanks!

Pat Phelan, who very kindly bought me dinner last night (and is, by the way, looking positively svelt these days, the bastard) asked a question on his blog today about filtering all those things we’ll broadly call stewardship offers. These are the people and organisations who want to solicit you to be a mentor, give you seats on their boards, or have you as their official or unofficial go-to guy for business and strategy advice. They do not, however, want to pay you.

I have to say that I am the original Girl Who Can’t Say No, so frankly Pat should take whatever I have to offer with regards to this question and chuck it directly out the window. I spend at least as much time doling out advice, contacts and expertise on things I’m not being paid to do as I spend doing things I am being paid to do — sometimes for clients, sometimes just for random people who have been referred in or wandered by. I have a terrible time turning anyone away, and I sincerely enjoy getting to meet, talk to and yell at a wide range of really fabulous people, but recently I’ve begun looking at things through the lifeboat analogy.

You’re on a lifeboat, with the Titanic sinking gracefully in the background. You only have so many people you can fit on the boat. Your family, your closets friends and your business are going to take up most of those seats, and that leaves only so many spots left over. With the handful of seats you have available, you then have to make what are frankly tough choices.

Do you take the strongest passengers, those with the greatest chance of making it, or do you take the weakest survivors, those who need help the most? Do you leave behind the people you think are most likely to make it without you, or do you leave behind the ones most likely to go under anyway? Do you invest your capacity in awesome business models or awesome people? Do you grab the folks nobody has ever heard of because you like them and see something good there, or do you pimp out and jump on board with the ones getting good press, good buzz and something that smells suspiciously like a pending VC offer?

However you decide to triage, the fact is that there will be some people to whom you simply cannot offer a seat. And the reality is that if you try to take on board every poor bastard waving his hand in the water, you’re going to sink. The lifeboat will go down in the form of a divorce, a heart attack or a receivership — and take everyone with it.

Were I Pat Phelan, I’d restrict myself to one of each: one Little Start Up That Could, one Next Big Thing, and one I’m Hitching My Star to This Ride Because It’s Good for Me, Never Mind Them. I don’t believe anyone can really truly nurture more than that unless it is their full time job. But because I’m a sucker, I’d maybe also book a day a month for everyone else who knocked on my door, to meet and talk and then walk away.

And most importantly, I’d start making the mountains come to Mohammed, because if my name’s Pat Phelan, I spend entirely too much time on planes as it is.

The things I get myself into, I tell you.

Anyway, Ellie Parker and I are delighted to announce the upcoming launch of Sass.ie, going live sometime this month. We’re going to be aggregating posts from women bloggers in Ireland to help promote some of these great bloggers into bigger audiences.

But we’re going to build a ton of content around that, too. Our hope is that Sassie will also be a single point of contact for women (I hate the word portal) to find out about networking events like Girl Geek Dinners or to buddy up to attend things like CreativeCamps and Barcamps, as well as being able to access a well-written and well laid out body of information on running and promoting web sites from commerical enterprises to personal blogs.

We’ve actually got grand plans to cram a lot of high-value stuff in there, but right now all you can do is take a quick look, read what’s in the pipeline, and add your name to the alerts list so you’ll get a quick email when the site goes live.

And yes, by Jove, men are very welcome to join in, too!